Guybrush: "You fight like a Dairy Farmer..."
Pirate: "How appropriate, you fight like a Cow." - Suggested by Skyfox


"I'm Guybrush Threepwood, ghost busting stud" - Suggested by Gideon Simpson

Look behind you! A three-headed monkey! - Suggested by PezZ


Guybrush after climbing out of the water with the idol.
"Now all I have to do is get this fish out of my pants" - Suggested by Daniel Robertson


Guybrush in the voodoo shop.
"Hmm, a rubber chicken with a pully in the middle. What possible use could that have." - Suggested by Daniel Robertson


Guybrush says when confronted by ghost pirate in town when on his way to wedding.
"How abought some Root Beer?" - Suggested by Haredog, MPH


Guybrush: Look behind you, a three-headed monkey!
Guard: Ooo, the governer's favorite! Better go tell the chef. - Suggested by michael n. rosen


In Meathook`s house:
Meathook:You don`t know when to stop do you`?
Guybrush:Well,Obviously neither did your barber. - Suggested by Michael Jones


Guybrush:i got this scar durring a mighty strugle.
Pirate:i hope you'v lerned to stop picking you'r nose. - Submitted by Steve Cook


Guybrush: Whew, a rubber tree - Submitted by Steve Cook


Well, I can see you attended your family reunion! - Suggested by Adam Williams


Talking to 3 important looking pirates.
I'm the deadliest scallawag that ever swung a sword. - Suggested by Chris Stewart


Talking to Herman Toothrot.
- Where are your pants?
- What pants? - Suggested by Chris Stewart


After Guybrush steals the idol from Governor Marley's mansion...
FESTER: Well, let's hear your explanation.
GUYBRUSH: It belongs in a museum! - Suggested by James Kelleher


After Guybrush meets Elaine for the first time...
GUYBRUSH: I really wish I knew how to talk to women - Suggested by James Kelleher
"Wow! That's the second biggest monkey head I've ever seen!" - Suggested by Jonathan Apgar, Pirate


Guybrush: Holy monkey bladers it's Monkey Island! - Submitted by Steve Cook


Guybrush: Dont eat me.I'm a mighty pirate!


Canibals: that means his skin will be tough and leathery and his meat will be tough and stringy. - Submitted by Steve Cook
Pirate: What's your name?
Guybrush: It's Guybrush.
Pirate: What kinda name is that?!
Guybrush: Well what's yours?!
Pirate: Mancomb Seepgood. - Suggested by Jonathan Apgar


Guybrush, MI2, When LeChuck catches him.
If I only could reach my pirete-utilety belt. - Suggested by Dave Cooler


I want to be a fireman! - Suggested by James Bartlett




In Both Monkey Island games,
"You look like a flooring inspector to me," - Suggested by elberon


From when you get the note of credit in monkey island 1:
Guybrush : "I'm not stupid!"
Storkeeper : "I didn't say you were,not out loud at least." - Suggested by Funky Butt a.k.a. Ju Ju Bee a.k.a. The LORAX


Monkey Island 1 when you first see Monkey Island:
Guybrush : "WOW! This was well worth $59.95 + tax" - Suggested by Funkey Butt a.k.a. Ju Ju Bee a.k.a. The LORAX


In Monkey Island 2:
MEN OF LOW MORAL FIBER: "No, it sounds like necrophobia... it`s more like..."
GUYBRUSH: "Sounds like a crock of monkey snot to me."
MEN OF LOW MORAL FIBER: "No, it's the opposite of acrophobia..."
GUYBRUSH: "Sounds more like WORKAPHOBIA to me." - Suggested by Troels Pleimert


Guybrush and Important looking Pirates
Pirates: What be ye wantin` boy?
Guybrush: I mean to kill you all!!!
Pirates: Get lost boy you bother us. - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Guybrush and Important looking Pirates
So no pirates means no swag and no swag means no grog. And we're getting dangerously low on grog. - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Skull guy with boucy head in Monkey Island 1
I feel so glad that you happened to capture my ship, then murdered me and everyone on board.
...yes sir... lucky. - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Guybrush to Fettucini Brothers
I'm selling these fine jackets - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Guybrush to Fettucini Brothers
I'm Bobbin are you my mother? - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Fettucini Brothers: Hooray we're spared an embarassing and financially dibiliating lawsuit. - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Map Salesman and Guybrush
Salesman: Excuse me but do you have a cousin named Sven?
Guybrush: No but I once had a barber named Dominique - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Guybrush in Monkey Island 1


OH BOY!!!
It's a T-Shirt!
Not my size but a nice one nonetheless - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Smirk in Monkey Island 1
Yes, swinging a rubber chicken with a metal pully in the middle can be dangerous....
BUT IT'S NOT A SWORD!!!!!! - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Smirk in Monkey Island 1
Just want you to know, I don't do this with everyone. It's only because I feel that special student/mentor/pieces-of-eight bonding that I'm going to these lengths. - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Smirk and Guybrush
Smirk: I say 'You fight like a dairy farmer'. You resopnd:
Guybrush: You must be thinking of someone else I am not a farmer.
Smirk: I can see we've got a lot of work to do here. - Suggested by Setzer of Vane (George Mori)


Guybrush: Arf? - Suggested by Kevin Wallace


Guybrush: The groom`s not Human! - Suggested by A Monkey Island Lover


Storekeeper: What do you want fancy pants! - Suggested by A Monkey Island Lover


Guybrush: You can call me Squinky - Suggested by Jason Threepwood


Guybrush to the lookout in Monkey Island 1:
How did you get this job any way, you're obviously blind as a bat - Suggested by Jason Threepwood


Guybrush: ya thats my name at the top of the list - Suggested by matt


Guybrush: Somehow I knew in hell there would be mushrooms. - Suggested by Drake


"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood ?" - Suggested by ola löfgren


Monkey 1 Names
Gibberish Driftwood - lookout
Guybrush Nosehair - fortune-teller
Peepwood - sheriff


Monkey 2 Names
Gorbush - men of low moral fiber
Threekwood - men of low moral fiber - Suggested by Vanessa


Guybrush: Buzz off Fester - Suggested by RipclaW


Gurbrush to the Navigator Head:
And I could drop kick you into the lava - Suggested by RipclaW
Guybrush: Sure I've got my invitation. It's right here in this seltzer bottle. - Suggested by RipclaW


After the Credits in Monkey! Turn off your computer and go to sleep! - Suggested by Lauren


Guybrush in Monkey 1
Plastic tree! - Suggested by Guybrush Threepwood


Guybrush is Both Games.
I can hold my breath for ten minutes! - Suggested by Remi Olsen


Guybrush: I want to be a firemen!
Three pirates: Get lost boy you bother us - Suggested by ?


Cook: Be sure to wear your gloshes! - Suggested by ?


Guybrush:Yipes! - Suggested by ?


Lechuck: isnt it great to have the winds of hell blowi'n in your face? Suggested by ?


Swordfighting Pirate
"Come to think of it, they all do look the same." - Suggested by Matthew Arcilla


Monkey Island Cannibals
Is that a banana in you're pants, or are you just happy to see us? - Suggested by Michael (Homer) Hofmeyr


I'm Guybrush Threepwood. Prepare To Die! - Suggested by Sencer Destan


I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother? - Suggested by Matthew Arcilla


Guybrush: It belongs in a museum!! - Suggested by Matthew Arcilla


Mancomb Seepgood: Guybrush Threepwood?! Ha ha ha!! That's the most ridiculous name I've ever heard! - Suggested by Matthew Arcilla


Fester Shinetop / LeChuck in The Secret of Monkey Island
No! Not the red button! - Suggested by Matthew Arcilla


First you better stop waving it like a feather duster! - Suggested by Joey Joe Joe JR Shabadoo


Stan and Guybrush:
Guybrush:Tell me more (extras at Stan's Used Ship Emporium)
Stan: Did I tell you about the porthole defoggers?
Guybrush: I think I can live without that particular piece of junk.
Stan: OK, but don't blame me if you run into an iceberg. - Suggested by Mark O'Connor


Never spend more than 20 bucks on a computer game. - Suggested by Matt


Assorted Carachters: Look behind you, a three-headed monkey! - Suggested by Drew B!


Guybrush: I can't pick that up! - Suggested by Drew B!


GIVE stylish confetti to HEAVILY ARMED CLOWN
Heavily Armed Clown: Wheeee!! - Suggested by Mark Miller


When Guybrush meets elaine in Monkey Island 1
Guybrush: blfft - Suggested by pete


Guybrush: I must have left it in my other pants. - Suggested by Jonathan Rosenberg


GUYBRUSH:What is in that grog stuff anyway?


PIRATE2:Grog is a secret mixure of which contains the following:
PIRATE1:Kerosene
PIRATE2:Glycol acid
PIRATE3:Artificial sweeteners
PIRATE1:Sulfuric acid
PIRATE2:Rum
PIRATE3:Acetone
PIRATE1:Red dye #2
PIRATE2:Scumm
PIRATE3:Axle grease
PIRATE1:Battery acid
PIRATE2:And/or pepperoni. - Suggested by Matt Aukamp


Guybrush: No one has ever drawn blood from me, and never will!! - Suggested by gonz03


LeChuck: Are you glad to be dead?? - Suggested by gonz03


GHOST PIRATE:Do you have an invitation?
GUYBRUSH:Oops!I must have left it in my other pants. - Suggested by Matt Aukamp


Guybrush (looking at fabulous Idol)


Looks more like a fabulous doorstop. - Suggested by Matt Aukamp
Largo: What the HELL? - Suggested by Joe


Sparkey the dog in the bar
LeChuck grrrrrrrrrr - Suggested by a monkey island lover


Stan: He will be back - Suggested by a monkey island lover


Guybrush: Eeek!!


Its the second bigest ear I have never seen. - Suggested by Pin


Guybrush and Pirate:I am rubber,you are glue...
What an amateur insult! - Suggested by Sheldon Peters


Guybrush: Seems it's ALWAYS ten o'clock on this island. - Suggested by Sheldon Peters


Guybrush: Plunder Bunny! - Suggested by Sheldon Peters


Toothrot and Guybrush
I'm talking to the people watching of course!
Um......right. - Suggested by Sheldon Peters


Lookout: "What did you say your name was again?"
Guybrush: "Call me Squinky."
Lookout: "Okay Squinky." - Suggested by E.Marley


Guybrush, Carla:
Guybrush: "Is it true what I heard about you and the storekeeper?"
Carla: "Look, don't start with me okay?" - Suggested by E.Marley


Guybrush and Herman Toothrot:
Guybrush: Who are you talking to?
Herman: Why the people watching of course! - Suggested by RoAd KiLL


Guybrush: I wonder what would happen if I pulled the leg off this thing? - Suggested by LECHUCK498 A.K.A. a monkey island lover


Guybrush: How about a little rootbeer between friends?


Guybrush: I'm sorry I called you Cannonball Head.


I meant to call you Chrome Dome - Suggested by Brian


Guybrush at the Spitting Contest
"Ptheww" - Suggested by Martijn Langerhuizen


Guybrush: Call me Ishmael! - Suggested by Duke


After Grybrush douses the second ghost in the city with root beer...
Grybrush: Look out LeChuck, there's a new sherif in town, and his name is -- Wait!! I'd better get to the wedding!! - Suggested by JoBe


Old Skunk-Eye: "- Arrrrrrgh!" - Suggested by Kim


Lechuck: I am your brother.
Guybrush: That's not true, that's impossible!
Lechuck: Search your feelings, you know it to be true
Guybrush: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! - Suggested by Peter


Cannibals: Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just glad to see us? - Suggested by Matt Aukamp


Standing on the pier, returning from monkey island
Guybrush: Boy, that sure was easier than the trip TO monkey island - Suggested by Barefoot Pirate meathook
Carla: Hey, where's our crew?
Guybrush: How appropriate, You fight like a cow
Carla: You never knew when to use that one - Suggested by Barefoot Pirate meathook


On the road, before a fight
Pirate: Clear the way or me cuts me way thru
Guybrush: Why do all of you talk so funny!?
Pirate: Pirate lingo! Play along, Guybrush - Suggested by Barefoot Pirate meathook


In meathooks house
meathook: Well I'd rather have a cannonball then a pony tail. HA ha ha!
Guybrush: Um...Ha ha - Suggested by £ - The person fomerly known as Barefoot Pirate Meathook


In meathooks house
Meathook: Say hello Roger
tattoo: Hello Roger
***
Meathook: I can show you the whole routine on the ship!
Guybrush: This keeps sounding better and better... - Suggested by £ The person formerly known as Barefoot Pirate Meathook


The Navigator Head in Monkey Island 1:


You can beg all you want but you cant have it. - Suggested by A monkey Island lover


Meathook:"Who are you?"
Guybrush:"I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother?"
Meathook:"Your mother was a duck!" - Suggested by Duckman


When looking at the bust up in Elaine's room:
"I heard some guys downstairs talking about the Governer's bust, this must be it." - Suggested by Just some guy


Guybrush: Will you scratch my nose?
Wally: Yeah, right after you kiss my butt - Suggested by Dana Hamby


GUYBRUSH: Is it true what I heard about you and the storekeeper Carla? - Suggested by ?


Carla: Look, don't start with me, ok? - Suggested by Brad LaFrance


Guybrush:"I'm Bobbin Threadbare, are you my mother?"
Meathook:"Your mother was a duck!" - Suggested by RuGu

In the scene where Guybrush and Wally are hanging over the pit of acid.
LeChuck: "Any more questions?"
Guybrush: "Where do babies come from?" - Suggested by Elmo


Guybrush: "It's a great day for spitting!" - Suggested by Stuart Sampson (Notorous Pirate)



Guybrush (to LeChuck): Leg or no leg, I trust you about as far as I can throw Manhattan. - Suggested by Michael Bach


Wally: I'm a cartographer.


Guybrush: You do open heart surgery? In here? - Suggested by Daniel Robertson


From the tomb in Monkey Island 2
'Aaaaarrghh!' - Suggested by PezZ of Team Hamster


Guybrush: I'm on a whole new adventure.
Pirate: Growing a mustache?
Guybrush: No, Bigger than That
Pirate: A beard?!? - Suggested by Evan


Fink (while sitting round the campfire with Bart and Guybrush):
"I'd rather be a pirate on Scabb,
than a scab on a pirate,
And if you'll listen to me gab,
I'll tell you why I admire it.
Oh, the people aren't too friendly
And the weather's not the best,
The lodging's too expensive,
and Largo was quite a pest.
But the thing I like about Scabb
Is what it hasn't got.
No mayor or police force
And no jail in which to rot." - Suggested by Lorraine Dallmeier


From when Guybrush reads the tombstones in the cemetary:
"Marco Largo LaGrande,
Hell on sea or on land
The Good news: He's dead
The Bad news: He's bred" - Suggested by Lorraine Dallmeier
Guybrush: "Why do men have nipples?" - Suggested by Andrew Raistrick


How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? - Suggested by Thomas Kristian Roesen


A whole bucket of mud, and it's mine, all mine! - Suggested by Carl Brasic


(When Guybrush is hanging over the acid pit)


Guybrush: Where do babies come from?
Lechuck: In your case the orphanage - Suggested by Tiago Cruz is ^{Locke}^


When hanging over the pit of acid on monkey island 2
Guybrush: will you scratch my nose?
Wally: sure if you kiss my a** - Suggested by Mark O'Connor

Famous Pirate Quotations
"Violets are blue
Roses are red
we're coming aboard
so prepare to eat lead." - Suggested by Dave Welte (Captain Dread)


Guybrush (on the fishing dock):
Where'd you get that other pipe? - Suggested by Patrick


From Wallys place when Guybrush looks at his bed.
"Reminds me of a dollhouse I once had... I mean my SISTER once had." - Suggested by Randy Burkett II


Stan in Monkey 2:
"Thank god this is the deluxe model" - Suggested by elberon
In Both Monkey Island games,
"You look like a flooring inspector to me," - Suggested by elberon


In Monkey Island 2:
MEN OF LOW MORAL FIBER: "No, it sounds like necrophobia... it`s more like..."
GUYBRUSH: "Sounds like a crock of monkey snot to me."
MEN OF LOW MORAL FIBER: "No, it's the opposite of acrophobia..."
GUYBRUSH: "Sounds more like WORKAPHOBIA to me." - Suggested by Troels Pleimert


Referring to LeChuck:
Wally: What do you think he'll do to me?
Guybrush: An ottoman springs to mind - Suggested by Jason Threepwood [also Remi's current favorite]


Largo, after putting Lechuck's beard in his pants.
Man, it IS alive! - Suggested by T.J. Jennings


Guybrush and the man behind the alley door in Monkey2
The big guy behind the door: If this is five, and this is two, what's this?
Guybrush: Your hand? - Suggested by Nick Tortorelli
Guybrush Threepwood: "Hello, I'm selling these fine pink dresses." - Suggested by Dan J. Vice


Guybrush & Wally hanging over the acid pit in Lechuck's lair.
Guybrush: I love you man.
Wally: Let's keep our heads shall we. - Suggested by Joe


Guybrush and the man behind the alley door in Monkey2.
The big guy behind the door: If this is five, and this is two, what's this?
Guybrush: Your hand? - Suggested by Nick Tortorelli


Herman Toothrot in Monkey 2
"If a tree falls in the forest, and no one is around to hear it, what color is the tree?"
The correct answer is: "all colors" - Suggested by Vanessa


Spitting contest man
It's a great day for spitting!!! - Suggested by Nathan Sanfilippo


Guybrush is Both Games.
I can hold my breath for ten minutes! - Suggested by Remi Olsen
Largo: Whoa! Yer' loaded!!!!! - Suggested by Rapp Scallion


Once dragged out of the tunnels at the end of Monkey Island 2.
Guybrush: Oooooh the Mean Whirling Buccaneer! - Suggested by Mark o'connor


Guybrush & the Woodsmith
Guybrush: Oh, shutup.
Woodsmith: Hey, you started it. - Suggested by Joe


Guybrush to Lechuck
A dolly? The surprise is a dolly? - Suggested by Joe


Lechuck and Guybrush
LeChuck: We are bound to one another.
Guybrush: Like dreadlocks?
LeChuck: Yes, rather like that. But more like...brothers!
Guybrush: Eh? - Suggested by Joe


Guybrush and the Librarian in Monkey2


Librarian: "What's your name?"
Guybrush: "Guybrush Threepwood."
Librarian: "Guybrush, is that french?"
Guybrush: "Actually it's fiction." - Suggested by Phil Crawford


Guybrush looking on the chest standing on the floor in Elaines room:
It's very impolite staring in womans chest. - Suggested by Szymon Bronkowski


The lady on the call box in Monkey 2
Guybrush: i'm lost in the Inky Island Jungle in Monkey 2
Lady: Just walk off the edge of the screen - Suggested by Kira Butler
Mad Marty: Can I change the numbers on your food stamps?!?! - Suggested by Kira Butler


Guybrush(from mainmast on ship): What I wouldn't give for a water-balloon right now. - Suggested by Mark Miller


Guybrush in Monkey 2 when you click on PULL,and then click on the skeleton in the prison.
"No thanks, he's not my type." - Suggested by Arron@UK


Guybrush in Monkey 2:
I'll be BACK! - Suggested by Sheldon Peters


In the starting part of Monkey Island 2 LeChuck's Revenge, where Guybrush is hanging helplessly in the pit. When Elaine climbs down to investigate she finds Guybrush and they have a little conversation...
Elaine Marley: Well, well, well.
Elaine Marley: Guybrush Threepwood.
Elaine Marley: You do turn up in the strangest places.
Guybrush Threepwood: Err...
Guybrush Threepwood: Hi, Elaine.
Guybrush Threepwood: Do you think you could help me out?
Elaine Marley: How did you get into this mess?
Guybrush Threepwood: It's kind of a long story.
Elaine Marley: That's OK, I've got time.
Guybrush Threepwood lets out a sigh.
Guybrush Threepwood: Well, it all started on Scabb Island.
Guybrush Threepwood: Some of my admiring fans had pressured me into telling my LeChuck evaporating story once again... - Suggested by Zhin


Tombstone Quote from Monkey2
"Kiss me, I've got scurvey!" - Suggested by Noah Berry
Guybrush and the Lookout


On a Dead Pirates Tomb in Monkey 2
Kiss me, I've got scurvy - Suggested by Jenni Stern


Password Man: What d´you want, kid?
Guybrush: Havce you ever heard the legend of the mighty Guybrush?
*SLAM*
Guybrush: Well...don´t you want to hear it again? - Suggested by Govenor Phatt


Guybrush and Herman Toothrot on Dinky Island
Herman: If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, what color is the tree?
Guybrush (after around 80 other answers): All colors?
Herman: Exactly. Now, what has this experience taught you?
Guybrush: That philosophy isn't woth my time.
Herman: I'm very impressed. It takes most people years to reach this point. - Suggested by Infidel


Largo and Guybrush on the bridge outside Woodtick
Largo: HA! Scream all you want, there are no police on Scabb Island.
Guybrush: Then who eats all the doughnuts and roughs up the transients? - Suggested by Jake Rodkin


Guybrush in Monkey 2:
I came all this way to see you.... at least get me a beer! - Suggested by Captain Loogie